Quick Tips: Tune In

Your lead and follow coaching tip for today is Tune in. 

You’ve probably heard many times that active listening is an important skill for just about anything, including leadership and followership. Tuning in does include listening with your ears, but it’s much more than that. It’s more like listening with your whole body, directing your attention with all of your senses open toward one person or one group of people. Think of the phrase reading the room. To do that well we need to do more than listen to what people say. We need to tune in on a nonverbal level, or become attuned to the person or people we’re interacting with. Think of adjusting an old analog radio dial or radio antenna to clear the static and hear the signal more clearly. 

That’s what we want to do when we tune in. We’re clearing the static from our own perception so that we can receive clear signals from the people in front of us, at least as clear as possible, so that we can respond to them appropriately.

So start noticing subtle things like emotional tone, speech volume, energy level, facial expression and body posture. Does the person seem upbeat? Tired? Concerned? Enthusiastic? Distracted? It could be a lot of things, and to be clear, you will never know exactly what another person is feeling or experiencing, unless they tell you. 

We misread each other all the time, because we think that like professional actors, we’re transparent, that what we express in our facial expression what we’re feeling on the inside. But most people are actually NOT transparent. Tuning in is not mind-reading.

Still, observing the other person’s nonverbal signals does a couple of very useful things. One: like a mindfulness practice, it brings you into the present moment, making it less likely that you’ll get distracted by your own thoughts. And two: it makes the other person feel a little bit more seen by you, as a human being, and that one of the most reliable ways to create connection, even with a stranger, and set the stage for a more honest, more productive conversation. 

Try this out, experiment, and let me know how it goes!